And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
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