if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
