someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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