someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Pants are for mortals
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