i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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