Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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