apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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