I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
if only i could text you this smell
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
