With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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