i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I would fuck him just for his dog
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
