Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
