He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
