I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I love you. Go after that dick
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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