she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
