Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
