She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
