Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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