Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
