No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
