I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
