What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
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I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
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I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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