I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
