Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
