Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
