dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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