spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
