Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
