I need to stop coming to work sober
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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