hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize