ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
