god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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