then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
