k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
