My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
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he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
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C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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