There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
