11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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