I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
