I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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