She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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