He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize