My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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