was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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