what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just had sex on a roof
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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