Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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