He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I wish I only lived at night.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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