They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
