goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
