Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
