In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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