I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
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I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
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I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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