fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
