I wish I could punch you in the face.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
