paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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