Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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