I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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