is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
zippers are such a cool invention
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
