I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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