this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
