there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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