i can't believe i had my finger in that
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
