It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
