I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize