2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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