the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
