Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
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apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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