shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
