I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
