I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
