If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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