I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
