im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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