for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
