I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
