i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
