what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
