I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
