I didn't shave. On purpose
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
