So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
